They're So Ugly, They're Cute
by Dawnage
Summary: I get fed up with the nonsense caused by Jareth's minions and begin my own form of retalliation.


The usual disclaimer: I don't own Jareth. Don't want to. He's all yours Henson Company (or whoever owns it now). He's more than enough trouble for little ole me. I'm not making money off this, if I was I sure as hell wouldn't tell anyone. I'm not stupid! I'm a poor college kid, leave me alone you lawsuit hungry fiends.  
  
They're So Ugly They're Cute  
  
"Ahhh!" I screamed in absolute horror walking into the disaster that was once my room. Clothes were scattered clumsily across the floor. My notes, printed out fanfic, dance shoes; all apparently tossed randomly around. My closet shelves fallen to the floor in a bit heap of stuff. "No.." I whimpered looking over to my little table. My pepperoni and pineapple pizza was gone and cheese ground into the carpeting.  
  
Then my eyes fell over the most horrific sight of all. My beautiful, black ball gown. My favorite black gown. The one I was gonna wear for my senior prom and LOJ this coming summer, was in tatters. Tears welled up in my eyes as I saw fur stuck in the zipper on the bodice. The tulle skirt was ripped. "No." I cried helplessly. "JARETH!!!!"  
  
In a swirl of glitter, Jareth appeared. He looked surprised. "Woah, what happened here?"  
  
Tears streamed down my flushed cheeks as I pathetically clung my gown to my chest. My voice stuttered, was weak, "y..y.. your fault!"  
  
"Me?" Jareth was taken aback. "Dawn, how is it my fault that you live like a pig?"  
  
"Y.. your goblins!" I took a deep breath to calm myself and hopefully stop the stuttering. "Your damn goblins are ruining my life, let alone what they might be doing to the other listians! FIX IT NOW!!!"  
  
"Well," HRT took a step backwards as I came running at him with a dagger that was originally intended for ceremonial rituals but apparently had been fashioned for a fork to eat my pizza. "since you put it so nicely. here." He waved his arm and my room was instantly back to itself. Anally clean and organized. Then, to save himself possibly injury, left, leaving behind his usual pile of glitter.  
  
"Oh sure." I sighed, calmer now. "You clean up after your goblins, but you leave me your own mess to deal with." I proceeded to the kitchen to get some salts to rebless my dagger and grab the vacuum. I wonder why my mother hasn't gotten suspicious, what with the sick amount of glitter always in the vacuum bag.  
  
*~*@*~*@*~*  
  
"Oh.. no.. Gabrielle." I watched my TV intently. All the lights in my room were out, the door shut and locked, and the shades pulled. I was wearing a pathetically cute little flannel nightgown. The white flowery ones you see at Wal-Mart. Normally I wouldn't be caught dead in these things but, lazy me, I hadn't done my laundry and it was all I had left. "Gabby you are such a moron! Can't you see that Joxer loves you?!!?" I threw a small beanie teddy bear at Renee O'Conner's face. Grrr. Ok. So, maybe I get a little worked up over TV shows, but this was Xena. One of my only pleasures left since dad decided to nix cable.  
  
There was a rustle behind my recliner. I shifted my eyes. What insolent fool was planning on interrupting my Xena hour? Goblins. It had to be. No one, not even Jareth was that stupid; except the goblins. Silently I unwrapped a pillow, took the case in hand, and maneuvered toward the chair. * crunch * I could see the damned thing. The most horrid goblin I had seen yet was busing himself with my journal. The little bastard. Those were my private thoughts and feelings. S.O.B. I don't know how but, I am going to make Jareth pay for this.  
  
"Ah!" my battle cry pierced the air as I lunged at him. He made a feeble attempt to run but I snatched him up in my pillowcase.  
  
Within minutes I had the cursed thing stuffed into my cat carrier. "Let me out!" he cursed. "Or, I'll.. I'll.."  
  
"you'll what?" I snarled right back at him. "Tell Jareth? I don't think so." I pased before him. "No.." I said glancing at my cat's collar and a little rope. "I have plans for you tomarrow. What's your name anyway?"  
  
"Why should I tell you?" he snapped.  
  
"Because if you don't, you don't get fed."  
  
"Spydrbytr." He said quicly at the mere mention of food.  
  
"Took a simpleton to come up with that one." I grumbled shoving a bag of potato chips in the cage. "Eat up and be quiet. I'm going to bed and I'm not exactly in the best of moods, especially because I missed most of Xena." Oh well, I guess I'll have to catch it Saturday.  
  
Spydrbytr chomped loudly on the chips as I crawled into bed. "Thanks."  
  
"Yeah, yeah." I mumbled.  
  
*~*@*~*@*~*  
  
"Come on!" I pulled harshly on the rope.  
  
"No!" Spydrbytr screamed. "I won't do it."  
  
Oh for the love of Zeus I was just asking him to carry the damn Christmas lights so I can decorate the outside of the house. "Pick it up! Or you can forget about lunch!"  
  
With a sigh he picked up the strand of lights and handed them up the ladder to me. "Now what?"  
  
"Sit down and wait until I ask for the next strand." No sooner than I had the first strand up when the nosy neighbor kids that were always on our lawn came by with their mother. "Oh, great." I knew something was going to happen; what with a goblin sitting on my driveway.  
  
"Mommy! Mommy!" One of the kids said.  
  
Oh great, here we go now.  
  
"Mommy, I want one of those." He hopped up and down excitedly pointing at a startled Spydrbytr.  
  
His mom squinted. "Dawn, Dear, bring your new pet over here."  
  
I sighed, no getting out of this now. I climbed down the ladder and picked up the goblin like he was a cat. "Now you keep quite do you hear?"  
  
"What is that?" The mother asked.  
  
Well, I can't lie. "It's a goblin."  
  
"It's so ugly, it's cute." She said. I raised my eyebrows. How does she figure. Then again she hasn't been waken up in the night by them or seen what they can do to a house. "Are they high maintence?"  
  
"Not really. They'll do anything for food. But you can't buy them, I just happened to catch one."  
  
"I'll tell you what.. I'll give you $100 if you can get one for us."  
  
I raised my eyebrows even higher. "Sure thing." Ideas ran through my head. Catching goblins and selling them. hmm. this had possibilities. I would rid myself and probably the listians as well of my goblin problems and make a lot of money at the same time. I'd have a monopoly. Hmm. I'm gonna need more cages.  
  
*~*@*~*@*~*  
  
Within a week I had a halfway decent business going for myself. I had sold close to 100 goblins already. Each sent off with an instruction sheet that said two things. 1- will do anything for food.. 2- I'm not responsible in anyway what happens after the sale has taken place. Plus a cute little certificate of ownership with that particular goblin's name on it. Goblin's were becomin all the rage in Wisconsin and I was astonished. Not that I was complaining. I was way behind in my Christmas shopping and I could definitely use the money.  
  
And seeing that I wan't stupid I kept all evidence of my doing hidden, just in case Jareth caught on. I knew he really wouldn't be too keen on me selling his subjects into pethood, and not giving him any profit. I didn't sell Spyderbytr, however, we had made an agreement. He tricked his fellow goblins into coming into my clutches and in return he received one of my cooking delicacies of his choice. It was fair enough. Besides I was kinda getting attached to him.  
  
I knew the listians were glad about the shortage of goblins, they didn't know where they went but they sure as hell weren't complaining. I was just curious as to how long I could keep this up before Jareth figured it out.  
  
* Ding Dong *  
  
I ran to the door. Please let this be the final one of the day. "Hello?" I opened the door.  
  
"I'm here to pick up a goblin." This man was the tall business man type. Most of the buyers in fact were just that. It amazed me.. didn't they all live in condos and have horses?  
  
"Sure thing." Back to my room, I grabbed a rope and pulled the last sale goblin I had out in the foyer. He was too big to even consider carring. "Here's the papers." I handed them to the man. He handed me an envelope and took the rope. "His name is Bob."  
  
"Bob?"  
  
"It's the sound his head makes when it hits the wall." I laughed. "I didn't name him."  
  
The man laughed. "Thank you ma'am."  
  
"You're welcome." As he left I shut the door and sauntered happily back to my room, humming an ABBA song.. "money money money.. must be funny.. in a rich man's world.."  
  
"My, my, arent' we in a cheery mood." But of course. Jareth just had to be there. Sitting comfortably in my recliner no less.  
  
I rolled my eyes and shoved the envelope with my money in my back pocket. "Don't you walk in the front door like a normal person."  
  
"I'm not exactly normal."  
  
"You got that right." I sat on my bed and glanced around. Spydrbytr was no where in sight. "Do you have a purpose for being here or just trying to ruin my day?"  
  
"Actually, there is one disturbing thing." He tapped his thigh. I raised my eyebrows. Uh Oh. He must know. "I've noticed that goblins seem to be disappearing and the listians haven't any problems. So I'm investigating."  
  
"Oh really? Any Luck?"  
  
"No, that's why I'm here. You were the last one with any problems. Have you seen any of them?"  
  
Lie, Dawn, Lie. It's for the greater good. "No, I haven't. Not since the ordeal with my dress."  
  
"Well, then, that is all." He slouched back in my chair.  
  
I narrowed my brows. "Are you dismissing me from my own room?" J just smirked. "Get Out!" I was pretty pissed now. Honostly, to think that he rules me, in my own home. "You're not the king around here buddy. You're in my yard. I'm in charge here, so J, you are dismissed!"  
  
"Fine, if you are going to be crabby then I'm going to leave." And with that he left.  
  
Indeed. Who did he think he was?  
  
*~*@*~*@*~*  
  
"You see you see, a big fat man with a skinny skinny blonde who likes to kiss her hand, because he ooh breathes diamond rings when he sings. He talks like columbian coffee with cream, and it's all ooh too ooh, sweet, money ." I was practicing for my first night playing before a crowd in over a year. That's a long time. My guitar was ripped from my hands.  
  
"Explain this!" Jareth has the vein on his forehead that pulsates when he's angry. I bet you didn't know about that did you? He held Spydrbytr in one hand and his leash in the other.  
  
"Well.. um.."  
  
"He tells me that you have been selling my subjects as pets?!"  
  
Curses.. foiled! "Well.. um.. yeah. Kinda, sorta." Jareth held out his hand to me after dropping the goblin. "What?"  
  
"Selling my subjects.. I think I should at least get the money."  
  
"But I went through the pain of catching them!!" I was whiney.  
  
"Too bad." I handed over the wad of cash.. stashing about 300 for myself. "Fine Jareth, you win." He snorted and left taking my goblin with him. Ah well. He never said I couldn't sell them anymore did he? 


End file.
